Call Me Mom; Amy Caron’s Journey to World Champion

By Migzy
By Migzy

I should have rewatched AKA; Girl Skater before Amy and I did this interview. It had been at least 15 years. If I had, I would have asked so many other questions. Like did Vanessa and Amy pluck each other’s eyebrows?

If you watch the footage, you’ll notice brows are nearly nonexistent on both. I know that Amy, for one, is currently rocking a healthy natural set. And girls that age are always mimicking and teaching each other grooming habits, fashion trends (and skate tricks) so I assume it’s true. Considering how much vodka and Red Bull they drank, I’m surprised one of them didn’t come home with an eyepatch from a tweezing accident. Rumor has it that afterward, they both attended the “Brow Club for Women.” Seems contradictory to the part when Vanessa announces “I’m pretty much a man” in the film. I’m curious about that too because I’ve always suspected there’s a long-haul trucker disguised in that little body. Regardless it was amazing to finally hear Amy tell the epic story. Dave Carnie, the former Editor of legendary skateboarding magazine “Big Brother,” articulates in his on-camera interviews just how rare it was to come across a pack of girls skating so well in 2003. The fact he included them in the pages of Big Brother was groundbreaking. That is why he is, and will always be, our self-proclaimed Godmother.

Years later, Amy shows off the ollie that earned her the title “World Champion” which she still uses to this day.

M. In all these years of friendship, I’ve never heard the story right from the horse’s mouth. How did this whole situation come about?

A. Well, we were headed to “Gallaz World Cup” in Melbourne, Australia.

M. And who were the other skaters?

A. Well Gallaz had picked up the “Top Girl Skaters” which I happened to fall under at the time, lucky me. The were like “hey do you guys want to work for peanuts?” And we were like HELL yeah. “We’re going to start you out at $125 a month and maybe next year you might get $150 a month. We’ll keep you posted.”

M. Are you fucking serious?

A. They had us by the balls. Buck 25? That was like one bar tab on that tour.

M. Were you of legal drinking age?

A. No, I think I was six… no, 17 or 18?

M. Did you get to drink in Australia?

A. Yeah. But I don’t think I was of age. I was using Julia Busenitz’s ID. She was only like 10 years older than me.

M. No biggie. A. But it fucking worked! We were drinking all the Red Bull and Vodkas.

M. Who was the team manager?

A. We had a real champ on board. This guy named Andy Mead. He was this super Huntington Beach bro that didn’t even skate. He like got the job from his dad or something. I think he was the Globe team manager too. He sucked balls.

M. I actually applied for that job in 2004, didn’t get it. Al Partanen was the Globe TM then. So was Andy Mead uptight with you guys?

A. He hung out. He would like to think he took care of us. But I think there might have been some missing “per diem” money if you know what I mean. But that shit happened all the time back in the day.

M. Cocaine is pretty expensive in Australia.

A. No paper trails back then.

M. So when did Carnie jump on board?

A. So we had this tour planned out. It was me, Vanessa Torres, Lauren Mollica, Jaimie Reyes, Monica Shaw. They said “We’re going to have a special guest come do a story on you girls” because nobody ever fucking had. We were like, cool I wonder who it is. So the special guest arrives dressed in full female garb. It’s THE Dave Carnie. We were just drop-jawed.

M. Did you fly over there with him?

A. Yeah we met him somewhere at the airport right before we got on the plane. We were so stoked, but nervous. Cause like, what’s he going to do to us? Right when we met up with him the first thing he said was “Call me mom.” Call. Me. Mom.

M. Did the other people on the trip know who he was?

A. They all knew and were scared because everyone featured in Big Brother got a piss taken out of them. Remember this was 2003, when girls used to get harassed all the time and everyone turned a blind eye. Before “Me Too.”

M. Before Me Too – B.M.T. A. So of course we were scared. So we get on the plane and that was when I discovered alcohol is free on International flights. Because Dave Carnie ordered BEER after BEER after BEER for 14 hours straight. In women’s clothing. Fourteen hours, all you can drink. I don’t blame him for my alcoholism but it’s hereditary. He said “call me mom” and I take it seriously to this day.

M. Did you get to drink on the plane?

A. Like mother, like daughter. Yeah, they gave us beer. You’re up there in space, there’s no rules. This is back when Elon Musk was just mopping up jizz ok? That should help put things into perspective. It was the wild wild west. We were like “Christina Columbuses” going to pillage Australia. After a very long flight and lots of alcohol, we arrived. Dave Carnie still in women’s clothing.

M. Wasn’t he wearing a long floral dress? I think I remember that from his article in Big Brother. I’m picturing a long floral dress, skate shoes and some nasty socks.

A. He did a tail tap in that skirt, it was in the magazine. We get there, everything’s good and we settle in. We had to bunk up with a roommate and whatnot. Of course I got Tbag Torres. I thought I was lucky but as it turns out… So Lauren, Jamie, Vanessa and I go pick up Monica Shaw, who was Australia’s hot female item at the time.

M. You’re saying she was the “entree?”

A. Definitely. She was the shromp ceviche of this trip.

M. Grand Prawn A. Giant Australian prawn.

M. She’s pretty tall.

M. Didn’t you guys go hug koalas?

A. Yeah we had some off-hours. I think Jamie Reyes held a Koala.

M. But you didn’t?

A. I think Vanessa molested a kangaroo.

M. So the TM was down with you guys partying and hanging out with Dave Carnie? Even though he didn’t skate? Did he have any idea what was going on?

A. Oh yeah he was our supplier.

These days the world champ is enjoying Boatlyfe, Shromp, and her dog Max.

M. So who was hanging out with Carnie the most? Were you and him broing down the whole time? What did Jamie Reyes think about Carnie?

A. They already had a past, they knew each other and had drank together a lot. But me and Vanessa were pretty new to it. And Lauren Mollica was being cool, you know?

M. Well she was already DJing.

A. She was on the tour as the team DJ. Heelflips and DJing. What’s your favorite trick? Scratching my records.

M. I heard she quit skating cause she didn’t want to mess up her DJ fingers.

A. She wore gloves.

M. Plastic gloves with lotion in them?

A. Yeah, her hands were as soft as a baby’s bottom. We also had a camera crew with us, filming AKA Girl Skater. So we had a camera in our face the whole time. Filming us fuck up.

M. Before you got to the World Cup, what was the highlight?

A. It was an epic road trip. Someone was driving and we got hotels every night. Basically living the dream. We went to Sydney and to skateparks everywhere and did demos, I signed a baby’s jumper.

M. Isn’t a jumper a tank-top in Australian?

A. No, a jumper is a jacket. Or a baby costume. I don’t know.

M. That’s crazy that all the way back then there was a film crew, Dave Carnie and all of those people invested. What happened? Did you guys blow it for everyone?

A. Girls skateboarding had to take like a 10 year break.

M. “Actually… we’re just going to go ahead and focus on the guys.”

A. Yeah. After that they were like, “Excuse me… there’s some jizz in the men’s locker room…. can you go ahead and clean that up?’

M. Possibly Ryan Sheckler’s first jizz.

A. Oh my god. Ryan Sheckler was there. Lauren Perkins was there. That’s when they were dating. I remember at the hotel in Melbourne, we went to the pool and saw two little kids and it was Ryan Sheckler and Lauren Perkins swimming around like turtles. Their moms were watching them making sure they didn’t drown.

M. My god. That could have been their first date. I wonder if there’s still a spark? From now on when they answer that security question at the bank, “who was your first girlfriend or boyfriend” they have to type out each other’s names.

A. I hope that’s true. We could break into Ryan Sheckler’s bank account.

M. We just have to figure out where he banks. Wherever you get those black credit cards.

A. Platinum.

M. So, when you guys got to the contest, what happened?

A. There were a ton of girls, but we were the American crew. Everyone was freaking out like we were celebrities. I guess we were in Australia at the time. We had to skate in this big arena, Rod Lavar, at like 8am. That’s when they always made the girls skate, at the butt crack of dawn. But Dave was there supporting us.

M. As your mom, what did he do for you?

A. He was like, “Do you guys need pads or tampons or anything? I got you, I’m a cool mom.”

M. Was he in character the whole time?

A. Yeah. He had a beanie on too.

M. Were people tripping on him? Did they know who he was?

A. Yeah people were tripping but all the skaters knew who he was. He was on the course with us the whole time.

M. Was he crying? And running to you when you fell?

A. Well when I won the contest, he was overjoyed. He was proud as a peacock that his daughter was the grand champion. Even though I think whoever won would have been his “daughter.” I hate to say it but I think I was kind of his favorite daughter. I wouldn’t want the other girls to find out that information.

M. Well, you have the best sense of humor.

A. I think he knew I took after him the most. And I’m pretty confidant he would back that statement up to this day. So basically when the tallies added up and I turned out to be the winner. And from that point forward, I was the World Champion.

M. You still are. There’s no expiration.

A. A gold metal is a gold metal. It don’t change color. Gold don’t bleed.

M. Who got second?

A. Fuck, I don’t remember. Maybe Vanessa or Lauren Perkins?

M. And you won a car, right? What kind of car was it?

A. A piece of shit. The dudes got all these yutes and trucks and all this shit and I got the equivalent of a geo metro.

M. You got a frat bitch car.

A. Yeah, tiny as fuck, stick shift. Fucking manual. Roll up windows and all that shit. They were like “you wanted equal rights, we got you girl. Is all your makeup going to fit in this car?”

M. “This will shut these bitches up for a while.”

A. Yeah. So Dave was so proud, right there in the winners circle with me.

M. What trick did you do to win?

A. I think it was just a good run where I didn’t fall. Like a board slide or something. Whatever girls did back then. Dave’s like, “Start that thing up! Rev that engine for yo mama!” So I get in the car, kind of halfway, with one foot in, one out.

M. It was a stick shift. And the wheel’s on the other side, cause- Australia.

A. Yeah. And being the base model there were no safety precautions about starting it up in gear. So basically I was like half in, half out and It jumped forward a little bit and almost killed someone and then crashed into another car. The guy winner’s car.

M. Who won the dude’s contest that year?

A. I don’t know. Chris Gentry probably.

M. “Do it on a halfpipe, asswipe.”

A. He didn’t even skate, he just went into the middle of the arena and rapped. And I think Bucky Lasik won the other car. So basically, I got into a little fender bender.

M. Because you must have not even known where the pedals were. Was everybody laughing? What happened?

A. All the car alarms were going off, it was a big scene. The medics ran over, shit like that. I’m glad I didn’t get a breathalyzer at that point.

M. Yeah, good think you didn’t get an Australian DUI in the middle of Rod Lavar arena. A. I think I had some beers before that. I did it Dustin Dollin style.

M. He can do no wrong. So was Chris Gentry like, “Dude, my car!”

A. No, no, they didn’t give a fuck, they were probably drunk too. Everyone was drunk.

M. So what happened the rest of the weekend when you were partying, were people talking about this incident?

A. Yeah, yeah. It was the biggest party ever, I don’t even remember stopping.

M. So what did Carnie do when you hit the car?

A. He was the first responder. He took full responsibility for it. He still does to this day. He’s taking it to the grave.

M. I could picture him looking in a mirror in his dress, putting lipstick on with tears running down his cheeks. But there’s a happy ending to the story right? You got a different car when you got back to the states.

A self portrait from Dave Carnie’s photo exhibition “Minutwar” undoubtedly inspired by the maternal Gallaz tour.

A. Yeah they gave me some kind of voucher. Super boring. Any story that ends with a voucher is fucking lame. No one wants to hear that part of the story. Anyway, the car wasn’t totaled, it was totally fine. There wasn’t a scratch on it cause I hit another person and THEN hit the car, like pinning someone between them.

M. That’s bullshit. How did this story change so fast?

A. Check the footage.

M. You pinned someone? Shut the fuck up. So your brother’s still driving that car to this day, right? How long did you drive it for?

A. I gave it to my mom. I had like 3 Cameros, I didn’t need a piece of shit fucking Ford.

M. Like, your other “mom?”

A. I gave it to my birth mom.

M. I wonder if Dave Carnie knows you gave it to a different mom.

A. He might be jealous.