Alex White Invented the Meme

Americans don’t agree on jack shit, and that’s a fact. Even worse now, with Biff Tannen from Back to the Future 2 as President. But as we lock horns over health care, taxes and the proprieties of athleisure, we can all agree on one thing; Alex White kicks ass.

I met Alex briefly for the first time in 2002ish on her way to Slam City Jam. She was in an RV also carrying Jen O’Brien, Vanessa Torres and several other members of the Real Housewives of Shredifornia. We only exchanged a few words but I remembered her well because she stood out; so small, pretty and kind- and SO gnarly. If I wasn’t  watching her tear the skatepark to shreds, it was easy to picture her playing third chair clarinet in high school band. Instead of skating the course the “traditional” way at Slam, at one point I remember her ollieing off the deck of one of the ramps, like 8 feet to flat. I had never seen an American Girl Doll skate like that!

Other things to know about Alex is that she is beyond beloved in the women’s skateboarding community. She is a true friend and supporter of so many skaters, both old and new. Her spirit shines with purity and her positive force echos to everyone around her. She is a key player in front and behind the scenes of women’s skateboarding, shaping what is is and where it’s headed. And she’s funny as fuck. Where she gets the hundreds of HILARIOUS memes that she is constantly posting on her instagram account, @thealexwhite is a mystery that will never be revealed. She has literally mastered the internet. 

Alex was at a protest against cruise ships docking in Monterey Bay when I called her. People paddled out on their surfboards, but she stayed on the beach to wrangle her two small boys. So I called her back after the event was finished, careful not to mention the Carnival Cruise Amy Caron and I went on a couple years back 😬.

I was curious about a video I recently saw on her popular youtube channel called “LITTLE GIRL SKATEBOARDER SLAMS.” I should have known this was small potatoes for skateboarding’s own meme queen. Alex went to film school and her channel is stocked with videos she has created of her friends skating and surfing, her darling boys growing up, and one particularly legendary video she made with her actress sister, Lauren called “Skate in the Night.

M. The video has 30,000 views, is that the most you’ve gotten out of all your videos?

A. Have you seen the one of me getting arrested? [see below] That one has the most views. People rip it off and repost it, and the somehow through their algorithms they get like 5 or 6 million views.

M. Holy shit, yeah that’s like a thing, youtube poaching! I have to learn how to do that so I can make some money.

A. What a time to be alive!

M. So how old were you in those clips? You look pretty young. Who were you skating and filming with?

A. I was 15 or 16. Kyle Haggarty probably filmed most of it, Sam Beavis my ex husband, Jeremiah Smith, Peter Gunn, yeah that was the crew back then!

M. So this is a 2-part question. Where was that yellow rail that you got nutted on, and what’s the female version of getting “nutted” on a rail?

A. Good question. That kinked rail. It was at my high school. It was more like one labia and an ass cheek. It wasn’t like square on the cervix. Maybe “you got Serve-EX’d?”

M. That’s perfect! The Security guard video was taken about the same time, right? The security guard knows you. So you got away from him a couple times so he was all gung-ho to bust you guys skating there?

A. It must have been 1999 or 2000. There was a security guard at Portola Plaza in Monterey that we called “Captain America” and he was so fun to fuck with. He would chase us and talk on the the loud speaker. The stairs there aren’t even really good, it was just fun to go there and get him to kick us out. And I think he was kinda having fun too. It was a mutually consensual game of cat and mouse.

M. So the incident in the video, was that the last hurrah?

A. Yeah, he got me good that time. 

M. Looks like he got pretty violent. 

A. Yeah he like flung me down and put his knee in my back all stupid, and my tits were pressed on my grip tape. 

M. Jeezus

A. And now that’s my fetish, so I dunno.

M. Yeah often childhood trauma has that effect. So at the end of the video it looks like the cop is having a conversation with you. I’m assuming that he had a little more sympathy for you than the security guy. Is that true?

A. I think that cop took one glance at how young I was, and at the video camera that was pointed at him and decided he was going to be cool about it. The cops drove me home and talked to my mom about it and when she saw the video she called Portola Plaza and raised hell. I didn’t get in any trouble though, my mom wasn’t angry at me and the cops never did anything. It just became a video. 

M. So you didn’t get arrested. No jail time?

A. I got handcuffed actually! In the cop car. I don’t know- they were trying to teach me a lesson? It was stupid. 

M. So dumb.

A. Not the first time, not the last!

M. Really? So did you get arrested after that for skating?

A. Yeah, I did. I think one or two more times after that. I got arrested at Cannery Row cause we used to build DIY cement quarter pipes and stuff there and skate them. It was private property of course. There was one cop, this muscle dude, who arrested all of us. I got cuffed and sat down on the sidewalk and they called my mom, and she was pissed cause she worked in Santa Cruz and had to then drive down and get my stupid ass. 

M. So that’s like the fishing and canning spot on the waterfront in Monterey?

A. Read the John Steinbeck novel Meg. 

M. Ok. I’ll do that today. So the most fucked up thing about Youtube is the comments people leave on your videos, right, trolls everywhere. So there’s some questions on here people have posted that I thought you might be open to answering. 

A. That’s great. Yes I’m open. I’ll finally respond. 

M. Great! So Pitcrew143 asks “how many times have you broken your ankles?”

A. Never. If you watch the video I’m always just rolling my ankles and saying “oh fuck my ankle!” But I never broke it.

M. JohnOally says “so lucky she doesn’t have nuts.” How would you reply to that?

A. I agree.

M. I’ve actually got ServEX’d before too and I found it to be very painful but I don’t know how it compares to balls. 

A. Yeah I think it hurts. I got ServEX’d really bad once trying to ollie a 4-stair on an old-school board with no nose, and so I went over it and then I credit-carded the nose of the board at the bottom of the stairs and snapped the board with my vagina and I bled everywhere and had to get stitches. 

M. Like the beginning of “Skate Kitchen.” 

A. Yeah, yeah, I guess it’s happened to a couple people, I want to claim I’m the first person to ServEX their board and snap it. I gave myself the perennial incision that you get when you go through childbirth. So I found that out twice in my life… no three times. 

M. Oh my god, that’s insane! Jamski said “LOL what trick was she even trying to do in the last clip, you could see her just pushing full speed toward the fence, LOL.”

A. That was the trick! Slam into a fence going as fast as you can. I want to see that guy do that. Slam into a fence Jamski!

M. So ErockSK82 says “She is sexy in a tomboy way. She could be my girlfriend any time.” So would you be open to dating that guy?

A. Um, no I like girls. 

M. Ok last one. AflyPS3 says “What Atari game is this?”

A. Centipede